


(Meet Me In The) Afterglow

by thebarefootflapper



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben is a nerd, Coming of Age, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Everyone is British, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Rey is a rebel, Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Strangers to Lovers, The Normal People AU You Never Knew You Needed, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24525973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebarefootflapper/pseuds/thebarefootflapper
Summary: Rey and Ben live in the same small town in the middle of nowhere, but that’s where the similarities end. At school, they pretend not to know each other; all people know is that Ben lives in the big house that’s been in his family for centuries and that Rey goes up there most days after school where she’s paid to fix up his father’s extensive collection of classic cars, but nothing at all beyond that.When the two strike up an awkward conversation in Ben’s kitchen, it sparks something electrifying which will change both of their lives forever...Theirs is a story of friendship, family and the ongoing struggle to find one's place in the world spanning the best part of a decade. It’s about first love, second chances and maybe, just maybe, third time lucky.(It’s basically the Normal People inspired AU you never knew you needed)
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves  
> Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there's no us  
> Why'd I have to break what I love so much?It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say  
>  **Afterglow – Taylor Swift**
> 
> I've been obsessing over Normal People lately (both the book and the series) and it inspired me to write my very first Reylo fic. I warn you know, it is going to be angsty and there are times when these two appear to have a single brain cell between them, but it'll all be worth it in the end. I hope.

**JANUARY**

It's Ben who answers the door when Rey knocks, a great big lolloping labradoodle following close at his heels. He's still wearing his school uniform, but he's taken off his tie, unbuttoned the collar of his shirt and rolled the sleeves up to his elbows.

"Kettle's on."

"Thanks," she replies, rubbing her hands together to try and bring some warmth back into them before stepping inside and closing the door behind her. She follows him down the narrow hallway and into the spacious, open plan kitchen which always feels so warm and inviting after hours of working away outdoors and where his mother is pouring boiling water into three identical mugs. Ben takes his seat at the table again and resumes his history homework, whilst Rey washes her hands at the sink and uses far too much of the expensive soap she secretly loves so much. It's a scene of apparent domestic bliss and one which is repeated night after night, but all is not as it seems when one scratches away at the surface.

"Ben was telling me that you got your mocks back today," his mother says. "And that you did quite well."

"She was top of the class in Maths and Physics," Ben chimes in, not so much out of praise but rather because he knows that Rey hates to be the centre of attention and he'll take any opportunity he can to wind her up.

Rey dries her hands on a tea towel and hangs it back on the towel rail, lining up the edges ever so precisely. "Not in English though," she replies. "Ben beat me in that one."

His mother puts an affectionate hand on her shoulder as she passes. "Well, you both did brilliantly… I'll be in the study if you need me."

"Sure, whatever," her son replies drily, not even bothering to look up from his textbook.

Rey takes a seat next to Ben at the table and slouches down in her chair. "You know, if I had a mum as cool as yours, I'd be a little bit more enthusiastic about it."

Ben shrugs his shoulders. "She's not cool, she's just… Leia."

"Oh my God, you don't even call her mum! You really don't know how lucky you are, do you?"

She's laughing, but Ben knows he's touched a nerve. His relationship with his family might be complicated, but at least he has one.

Rey, on the other hand, does not.

Some people say that she's an orphan, others that her mother is a drug addict and her father left before she was even born. There's even been some speculation that Smith isn't her real surname and it's just one that social services slapped on her when she was taken into care. How true any of that is, Ben cannot be certain, though he doesn't feel like it's any of his business anyway.

"How did you do in History?" she asks, tactfully changing the subject.

"Not as well as I should have done," he tells her. "But I'll get there."

Rey nods in understanding. "Yeah, I heard they used that absolute bitch of a paper from two years ago," she says. "Are you still hoping to go to Coruscant?"

"If I get the grades."

"Well, if anyone's going to get in then it's you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Ben snaps.

Rey holds up her hands defensively. "Just that you're smart, that's all," she clarifies. "Oh and, by the way, you really deserved to come top in English and I think Miss Lynch would probably agree."

"She's a good teacher. One of the best I've ever had."

"Do you fancy her?"

"What? No! Of course I don't, "Ben protests.

Rey shrugs her shoulders and picks up her tea. "That's not what everyone says," she tells him. "And I've seen the way you look at her with those great big puppy-dog eyes of yours. I mean, I wouldn't blame you if you did because she is pretty hot."

Ben rubs the back of his neck nervously. "Well it's not true, so don't go spreading it around, okay?"

Rey looks up at him and smiles softly. "And who would I tell exactly?"

Ben supposes she has a point there.

At school, they pretend not to know each other; all people know is that Ben lives in the big house that's been in his family for centuries and that Rey goes up there most days after school where she's paid to fix up his father's extensive collection of classic cars, but nothing at all beyond that. Rey had arrived at St Mandalore's at the beginning of Sixth Form, having won a lucrative scholarship to the elite private school. Almost everyone there came from money, whether they be the daughters of oligarchs or the sons of lords whose titles could be traced back to the dawn of time but, from the moment she'd set foot into that school, it was clear that Rey was different. She wore ugly, thick-soled combat boots and her hair pulled up into three buns which most people thought looked ridiculous. She never wore makeup and it was rumoured that she didn't shave her underarms. Ben had once heard a story about how she'd spilled tomato soup on herself once and that she'd stripped off in the girls' toilets so that she could wash her shirt in the sink. Rey doesn't seem to have many friends, save for that Dameron boy from her physics class whom she has lunch with now and then, and not much is known about who she was before St Mandalore's or where she even came from, save for the fact that she lives in that big caravan park on the outskirts of town and works as a mechanic after school. Ben, however, knows that she is probably the smartest person in the entire school and people would probably realise that if they ever bothered to pay her even half as much attention as he does. They'd also realise that she's actually pretty cool, given that she knows a lot about cars, classic rock, old movies and Jane Austen novels.

Though he would never admit to that out loud, which one day he will realise makes him part of the problem.

"Why does everyone think I fancy her though?"

"Probably because you blush a lot when she talks to you. Actually, you blush quite a lot. You're blushing right now."

He can hear her laughing as he gets up and takes their empty mugs over to the sink, the sound of it reverberating off the walls and ringing in his ears. He loves the way she laughs; it's dirty and mischievous and it makes him feel things he knows he probably shouldn't. Most of the time, he dreads being left alone with her to make awkward small talk about school and exams or maybe even the weather, even though he knows that there are a million things that he could say to impress her if he wanted to.

Not that he does want to impress her, of course.

Or at least that's what he tells himself when he's lying awake at night and scrolling through her Instagram.

"I'm sorry if I've upset you," Rey says quietly as she follows him towards the sink. "I know what it's like to have people talk about you behind your back and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

"I'm not upset."

"Good. I don't want to fight with you," she tells him, picking up the same tea towel she'd used to dry her hands on earlier. "I know you probably hate me, everyone does, but you're still one of the few people who actually talks to me."

Ben passes her one of the mugs he's washed for her to dry. "I never said I hated you."

This gets her attention and she looks up at him. She's got a smudge of oil on her nose and it's taking all of his self-control not to reach out and wipe it off with the damp dishcloth.

"Well that's good… because I really like you, Ben."

For a few seconds, he says nothing and her words hang in the air between them. It's a simple statement, but the connotations have the power to change everything.

'Rey, I…"

"I should go," she interrupts. "It's getting late and I haven't even started my Maths homework yet."

"Oh. Okay. I'll give you a lift."

Rey shakes her head. "No, that's okay. I'll walk," she says, wiping her hands on her dirty overalls. "I need to get my stuff from the garage anyway."

Ben would be lying if he said that he wasn't slightly relieved and he'd only really offered out of politeness. She's already out of the back door when his mother reappears having left her glasses on the worktop.

"I hope you're nice to that girl," says Leia. "I get the feeling that she doesn't exactly have an easy time of it in school."

Ben turns away and crosses the room to gather up his books. "I don't want to talk about it."

He pretends not to notice to see the look on Leia's face as he retreats up to his bedroom.

_**-xxx-** _

**February (Three Weeks Later)**

Rey has always had an aversion to most sports, especially team ones. When she was younger, she would always find some way or another to get out of PE lessons, whether that be through a carefully forged note or an injury conveniently sustained during a warm-up. There was even that one time in Year Ten when she had been very nearly suspended when she was caught hiding in the trees and smoking a cigarette in the middle of a cross-country run. If there is anything she hates more than partaking in sport, however, it's watching it and so it's something of a mystery as to how she's ended up standing on the sidelines of a rugby pitch on a cold, damp Thursday in February.

The team had made it through to the semi-finals of a prestigious tournament which would culminate in the top two teams having a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to play at the national stadium in front of a crowd of thousands. The whole school had turned out to cheer them on and everyone other than Rey seemed to know their chants off by heart. With seventy-eight minutes gone, St Mandalore's is two points behind Bespin Grammar and even Rey is beginning to feel the adrenaline and the excitement building to a fever pitch, especially as their team is awarded a penalty and she finds herself screaming words of encouragement along with them. She watches as Ben takes the ball, positioning it on the tee with almost scientific precision as the crowd falls silent. He'd tried to explain the rules of the game to her one evening and she can't say that she understood much of it. She knows that he's a fly-half which means he wears the number 10 jersey and that the players he idolises are some of the best in the world. It's his job to orchestrate both the attack and defence of his team, bossing the forwards about whilst keeping the depth of the backs like some sort of general in the middle of a great battle. It's a masculine, almost animalistic game, but Rey notices that there's a grace and elegance to his movements; he's light and swift on his feet but can tackle his opponents with a force that could make the ground shake. She watches as he limbers up, conscious that the clock is ticking, and makes the kick. Like everyone around her, Rey holds her breath as the ball sails through the air and through the sticks, putting the team into the lead by a single point. The next thing she knows, she's holding the hand of a red-haired girl she's never spoken to before, jumping up and down and screaming with delight as the ball is kicked into touch and the final whistle blows, securing a hard-fought victory for St Mandalore's.

The team is mobbed as they come off the pitch, being pulled into fierce hugs, high-fived and clapped on the back in a congratulatory fashion, and none more so than Ben, the hero of the hour and newly-minted man of the match. Through the crowd, his eyes find Rey's, and his lips curl up into an appreciative smile as he acknowledges her presence. Surprisingly, she feels her face flush and she averts his gaze, focusing instead on a splash of mud on her shoe.

Perhaps rugby isn't so terrible after all.

  
_  
**-xxx-**  
_

Ever since that conversation in the kitchen, the one where she told him that she liked him. Ben has found himself out in the garage most afternoons, watching whilst Rey tinkers away at the engine of his father's beloved 1977 Millennium Falcon. At first, he hangs around not saying much beyond their usual pleasantries, but then she notices that he's started reading _Pride and Prejudice_ which she tells him is good but that _Persuasion_ is her favourite and that he should read that one next.

So he does.

"Do you talk to your friends about books and stuff?" she asks. "Or can't the rest of the troglodytes on the rugby team read?"

Ben chuckles. "They're not all bad," he says. "But no, they're not really that interested."

"I thought not. They seem more preoccupied with bragging about who it is they're shagging."

"Oh, come on…"

She closes the bonnet of the car and leans back on it, crossing her arms across her chest which Ben knows means that she's about to start ranting about something. "Doesn't the rampant misogyny bother you though? I mean, the way they talk about women is so demeaning."

Ben shrugs his shoulders. "They cross a line sometimes and, believe it or not, I do actually pull them up on it," he tells her. "But they're my friends. It's not the same for you."

Rey raises her eyebrows at him. "Why?"

He sighs and tosses his book onto the workbench. "You know when you said that you liked me?" he asks, changing the subject somewhat. "Did you mean that as a friend?"

"No," she replies, firmly and honestly as she bares a little piece of her heart to him. "Not as a friend."

Ben runs a hand through his hair. "I thought not," he says. "And, honestly, I'm a bit confused about how I feel about you."

"That's okay," Rey tells him, wiping her hands on an oily rag. "I mean, it would be pretty awkward at school if something did happen between us, wouldn't it?"

He steps across the garage and moves to stand in front of her, taking hold of her hand and running his thumb across her knuckles, one of which is bleeding slightly from where she'd caught it on something in the engine.

"Nobody would have to know."

She looks up at him then, giving him her full and undivided attention. Somehow, she knows that he's going to kiss her and her breath catches as he reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair back behind her ear with his free hand and letting it linger on her cheek. She's surprised at the softness of his lips against hers, and even more so at the clumsiness of his tongue pushing its way into her mouth.

"That was nice," he says, drawing away from her.

Rey nods, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward and glances down at the floor. It's only when Ben bursts out laughing that she can bring herself to look at him again.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

"Nothing."

"So why are you acting like a twelve-year-old at a school disco who's never kissed anyone before then?"

Ben shuffles awkwardly and rubs at the back of his neck which is a telltale sign that he's feeling uncomfortable. "Because I haven't."

That does surprise her.

"I know, I know," he says. "I'm seventeen and never even kissed a girl before now. It's weird."

Rey shakes her head. "It's not weird," she says. "Not at all… You do you and all that."

"Be honest with me. Was it bad?"

Rey grimaces. "It wasn't bad," she tells him. "Just… maybe don't try so hard next time."

"Next time?"

Rey grabs hold of the front of his shirt and stands up on her tiptoes so that she can brush her nose against his. "Next time," she says, her voice so soft and quiet that it's barely more than a whisper. "Trust your instinct… Trust me."

Ben smiles - that perfectly boyish, infectious smile that makes his eyes crinkle in the corners and puts dimples in his cheeks.

"Always."


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very, very long chapter this one, but I don't really want to dwell too much on their schooldays as most of this story will take place during the University years. 
> 
> Quick note when reading: Ben's texts will always be in bold and Rey's in italics. 
> 
> Enjoy x

“What are you doing today?” Rey asks with a mouth full of apple.

“Same as always,” replies Ben. “Homework, revision… that sort of stuff.” 

She looks out of the window and out into the garden, which is actually more like grounds with acres of lush green lawns lined with ancient trees that stretch out as far as the eye can see. She’s heard that there's a lake out there somewhere, but she hasn’t really explored the place beyond the kitchen and the garage which is situated in one of the old outbuildings. It’s a nice day out, the first one they’ve had in a while, and the thought of spending it cooped up inside seems like it would be such a waste. 

“Want to get out of here for a few hours?” 

“Sure,” Ben agrees, closing his book. “What did you have in mind?”

**_-xxx-_ ** ****

Rey peers over the edge of the cliff, the wind whipping at her face as she looks down at the raging sea below. A line of seabirds flies low over the waves which swell up into a great crescendo before crossing against the rocks. She has long been fascinated by the sea and is perhaps where she feels most at peace, spending her rare visits to the coast staring out across the horizon and dreaming of grand adventures in the great wide somewhere. 

“What is this place?” She asks, turning to Ben who is climbing up some nearby ruins. 

“It’s a Jedi temple,” he tells her. “Or at least what’s left of one.” 

“Do you believe in all that stuff? I mean, I know the Jedi were real, but I always thought they were more of an old-boys club or a secret society like the Masons or something.” 

Ben laughs. “Not quite,” he tells her. “They were quite secretive, I suppose, but they were more of a religious order… or at least that’s how they started out. As my uncle once told me, they were once the guardians of peace and justice in the old republic… then the Empire came along and wiped them all out, destroying their temples and persecuting anyone who still chose to follow the old religion.” 

“I didn’t know you had an uncle.” 

“Luke. He’s Leia’s twin brother.” 

“I wish you’d call her mother. Or mum… anything really.” 

“He’s a leading academic on the Jedi,” Ben continues, Rey’s plea once again falling on deaf ears. “He lives on a farm in Chandrilla now and spends most of his days writing, but he taught me everything I know and is the reason why I love history so much.”

Rey furrows her brow, confused. “But I thought you were going to study Law at university?” 

“I am,” he confirms. “I want to be a human rights lawyer because I really feel like I can make a difference. If I did history, I don’t think I could face being compared to him every time I wrote an essay or voiced my opinion on something. I’m not sure if you remember, but I snapped at you a few weeks ago when you said that I was certain to get into Coruscant. I didn’t mean to, but it just annoys me when people assume I’ve only got to where I am because of my family ties.” 

“Can’t say I’ve got that problem.” 

“Then you’re a blank canvas,” says Ben, offering his hand to Rey as she too climbs the ruins of the old temple. “The world’s your oyster.” 

“That’s easy to say when you’ve got money.” 

“You should apply to Coruscant,” he suggests after a brief, slightly awkward pause. 

Rey scoffs. “It’s the best university in the country.” 

“And you go to one of the best **schools** in the country. Take advantage of that.” 

“Sometimes I feel like I’m only there to fulfill some shitty diversity quota though,” she tells him. “It doesn’t matter how good my grades are or which university I get into, I’ll always be the poor kid who lives in a caravan and who doesn’t know who her parents are.” 

“That’s bollocks and you know it,” Ben retorts. “You got that scholarship because you bloody well deserve it.”

“Now you’re just trying to be nice.” 

“No, I’m not. Leia’s on the board of governors. She saw you’re application and your test results,” he tells her. “She really fought for you.” 

“Really?” 

“You’re the most intelligent person I’ve ever met, Rey,” he tells her sincerely. “So brush that chip off your shoulder, stand up tall and know you’re damn worth.” 

His words are forceful, but Rey knows that he means well and, in a strange sort of way, it’s probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to her. She holds his gaze for a moment, unsure whether or not she wants to kiss him, but the intensity of it is too much and she quickly turns her eyes back towards the sea. 

“So the Jedi then,” she says, tactfully changing the subject. “I know they were real, but what about the faith?” 

“The faith?” 

“Don’t the stories say that they had some sort of _magic power_?” she asks, wiggling her fingers like a magician. “It let them control people… and makes things float.” 

“You mean the **force**?” 

“Same difference.” 

“It’s not a magic power,” he tells her, picking at the long strands of grass that have grown up between the stones. “It’s the energy between all things, a tension… a balance that binds the universes together.” 

‘But what **is** it?”

“Close your eyes… reach out.” 

Rey does as she’s told, though with some skepticism. 

Seeing her hold up her arm, ben rolls his eyes and strokes the backs of her fingers with a blade of grass and it makes her gasp with excitement. 

“I feel it!” 

“That’s it. That’s the force.” 

“It’s amazing,” she smiles. “I’ve never felt anything… HEY!” She opens her eyes, having felt something tickling at her nose. “You’re such a knob, Ben.” 

Ben laughs loudly. “I meant metaphorically,” he says. “And sorry, I couldn’t resist.” 

“I wish you laughed more,” Rey says. “You always look so serious and I can tell you don’t always mean it when I see you laughing at school. Sometimes it looks like you only go along with it just to fit in.” 

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” he tells her. “When I go to uni, I’ll meet interesting people and have conversations about politics and the economy and things that actually **matter**. I don’t think I could ever come back, at least not on any sort of permanent basis.” 

“I like the sound of that.” 

“So apply to Coruscant. There’s still time left before the deadline and you’ll get in no problem. It could open so many doors for you.” 

“I’ll think about it,” Rey concedes at last. 

“I bet you’d pretend to know me if we ever bumped into each other.”

“I’d never pretend not to know you, Ben.” 

He smiles softly at this and puts his arm around her, pulling her close to him so that she can rest her head on his shoulder. Of course, they pretend not to know each other at school, but both of them know that it’s just the way that things have to be. 

At least for now. 

**_-xxx-_ **

They drive back home in companionable silence, save for an occasional bout of bickering over Rey's particularly obscure choice of music or the fact that Ben can't read a map properly. The car is a left-hand drive which she's not used to but, despite stalling it several times, she proudly declares that it's still the best thing she's ever driven. The sunset over the hills is a breathtaking sight, but Ben is far to captivated with the view to his left; the one of Rey singing along to her favourite song, the light dappling her face like a thousand precious gems in hues of red and gold. Impulsively, he reaches out and takes hold of her hand in his as she changes gear and when she doesn't pull away, he feels more content than he has done in a long time.

"Where are we going?" he asks eventually, noticing that they're in a part of town he's not familiar with.

Rey bites her lip nervously. "my house," she tells him. "well, it's not really a house, but I want to show you where I live.

For one usually so closed off and guarded, this is a huge step for Rey. She has never trusted anyone enough to let them in, both literally and metaphorically, but it somehow feels different with Ben. On paper, they are polar opposites, but being with him feels right, and it’s as if he's begun to fill in one of the many gaping holes in her life.

She takes him to a place known locally as 'The Outpost', a multi-acre site on the outskirts of town, where row upon row of static caravans stretch out into the distance. Some of the boys from school used to come out here drinking before they were old enough to get served in the pub, but Ben never joined them. It's the sort of place that always seemed far more debauched than it actually is, and one which the print edged elite of St. Mandalore's can leave behind as they retreat back to the safety of their ivory towers. To say that it was modest was perhaps an overstatement - the patterned wallpaper is dated and not in a way that could be deemed quirky or kitsch, and the mismatched furniture looks as though it's been scavenged from skips and from street corners having been discarded by its previous owners. It's the kind of furniture that his friends’ parents (who all seem to have more money than sense) would call vintage and add two or three zeros to the price tag. There are tools and electrical equipment scattered across a small table by the window, and it's obvious that she's working on something judging by the stack of engineering manuals and textbooks borrowed from the local library. That isn't what catches his eye though because, hanging between the curtains, is a garland of origami swans in all the colours of the rainbow.

"Did you make these?"

"Yeah," Rey tells him." My foster mum had a book on origami. I taught myself when I was about seven or eight. There was something so precise and measured about it, like finding a balance between science and art."

"And I thought I was supposed to be the poet."

“I always used to wish that I could make them fly."

“Not all birds were meant to," Ben replies, reaching out to touch one of them. "Though every now and then, there's one whose wings weren't clipped and they fly higher than any other."

“Stop trying to outdo me, Solo,” Rey chides.

“Does your foster mum live here too?"

Rey shakes her head. "No, it's just me," she replies." I was only with her until I was thirteen and then she got sick and couldn't look after me anymore. After that, I lived with a nice enough couple for a few years and they were great, but they had kids of their own and I never felt like I was properly a part of their family which I know is stupid. They made sure I never went without, that I was always included in things and they were so proud of me when I got my scholarship... But, as soon as I turned eighteen, I found this place which is a lot closer to school and thought I'd give it a go"

Ben feels his privilege starting to gnaw away at him, the things he frequently complains about, and the expectations placed upon him because of his family name and their legacy suddenly feeling so trivial by comparison. 

"Rey..."

"Don't pity me, Ben, don't you dare."

"I don't pity you," he says." Quite the opposite, actually. I think you're incredible... and I always have done."

She's chewing on her thumb now, a habit she's had since childhood and something she's always done when she's feeling nervous or uncomfortable." I don't belong in your world, Ben.”

"I've been on medication for anxiety since I was twelve," he tells her after a momentary pause. "The panic attacks make me feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole and are so bad sometimes that I think I'm going to die. I used to make myself throw up in the mornings so that I didn't have to go to school, especially if I had a test. I can't sleep because my mind just won't stop racing and I lie there imagining every single worst-case scenario. There's a voice in my head that constantly tells me that I'm not good enough, so I put myself under a ridiculous amount of pressure to prove it wrong and make it go away and it... it's **exhausting**... but I can't sleep and so the cycle starts again over and over... Oh and, to top it all off, I think my parents might be getting a divorce. Dad's always working away but, when he's home, they fight all the time. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only reason why they're still together and I'm worried that my family's going to fall apart when I leave in September. It... It's a lot. But, when I'm with you, it's the only time when I actually feel as though I'm in control of something."

Rey looks up at him sadly. "I thought your family was perfect."

Ben scoffs. “No, they’re not… and neither am I”

Not quite sure how to respond, Rey takes his face in her hands and kisses him softly. Ben wraps his arms around her waist, his cold hands coming to rest on the exposed skin at the small of her back. He still can't put a name to that fire in his belly, the one that burns brightest when she kisses him and it makes him feel as though he's flying. This thing between them doesn't have a name but, in this moment, he thinks he would do anything just to get her to like him and accept him for who he is in spite of all the flaws he's spent years trying to conceal.

And maybe, just maybe, she might feel the same way.

**_-xxx-_ **

She hadn't intended to have sex with him but, like so much that has transpired between them lately, it had just... happened. She'd been sitting cross-legged on her bed, holding her ankles whilst she listened to him talk about his thoughts on _Persuasion_ and how, as she'd rightly said he would. he's enjoying it even more than _Pride and Prejudice_. Eventually, he got onto the bed beside her and, when he touched her leg, she lay back against the pillow and boldly asked if he was going to kiss her again. The next thing she knew, he was half on top of her with his hand snaking up under her top and tentatively inside her bra. She'd told him that it felt nice and that she didn't want him to stop.

And so he hadn't.

She'd kissed him goodbye afterwards, but not before she'd asked him if he wanted to stay. He'd told her that it was late and that he needed to get home but promised that he'd text her later.

After he'd gone, she’d stripped the bed and changed the sheets, throwing them into the ever-growing pile of things she needs to take to the laundrette. There's nothing much in the cupboards save for

few slices of thick white bread and a tin of beans with the little sausages in (a guilty pleasure from her childhood), but she's ravenous and so she supposes it will have to do. Sitting in front of her laptop as she eats, Rey pulls up her personal statement, the one she'd written months ago but not had the courage to send. Four out of her five choices were fairly local universities, and so she could stay here and keep working at Plutt's garage whilst she studies.

The fifth, however, would be a bit more of a gamble.

Coruscant.

It had been her form tutor who'd suggested it shortly before Christmas, encouraging her to have a look at their school of engineering which was to be considered to be one of the best in the world. She was on course to get the grades that she needed, and she'd be eligible for all sorts of loans and bursaries so the financial side of things isn't as big a worry as she'd initially thought it would be, yet there's something holding her back still.

Rey understood more than just a little of what Ben had told her earlier, particularly about the feeling of not being good enough. She's never really felt as though she's ever belonged anywhere before but, if she went to Coruscant, it would be like a fresh start and she could finally live life on her own terms. She could be whoever she wanted to be without fear of judgement and, as he'd said, it could open so many doors for her.

"Know your worth, Smith," she tells herself, at the precise moment her phone lights up with a text from Ben letting her know that he’s home and that he’ll call her tomorrow.

Her application is submitted within the hour.

**_-xxx-_ **

**Six Weeks Later**

Ben has just put his sheets in the washing machine when Leia arrives home, and she hasn't even put her keys down on the table before she notices it.

"I spilled coffee on them," he lies, resisting the urge to run his hand through his hair and give himself away.

"you must think I was born yesterday," she says. "I know that you and Rey have been spending a lot of time together lately."

Ben feels his face flush. "She's not my girlfriend."

Leia laughs, filling the kettle and flicking the switch as she puts it back in its cradle. "Well, as long as you're using protection, I don't care what she is to you."

" **Mother!** "

"It's important that we have these conversations..."

Her son shakes his head dismissively. "No, it isn't," he protests. "you're prying into my life and I don't like it. Besides, it's none of your business... it's none of anyone's business."

With that, he leaves the room and he can hear his mother laughing as he goes back upstairs where he flops down on top of the bare mattress, waking a dozing Chewie. He and Rey have fallen into a well-rehearsed routine: She'll work out in the garage until six, take a shower and then they'll shut themselves in his bedroom. On Saturdays, they'll go for a drive before heading back to hers where he'll stay until the early hours of the morning. He's glad that she isn't one of those girls who goes on to tell the whole school about what they've been doing, because Ben isn't sure that he could hear his sexual exploits recounted back to him in explicit detail by the boys in the changing rooms after training. With Rey, everything that happens is between them, even when it's awkward and he gets things wrong on account of his inexperience. After that first time, he’d asked her if it bothered him that he was a virgin, to which she'd replied that it wasn't, followed by some witty, intellectual remark about how virginity was a social construct and that a person's worth wasn't defined by how many people they've had (or haven't) had sex with. That being said, he'd learned that she'd slept with two other boys, the first just after she'd turned fifteen and neither of whom she really wanted to talk about.

There's going to be a party on Saturday. Poe Dameron has just turned eighteen and, with his parents out of town for the weekend, it's the perfect excuse for a belated celebration and something of a last-hurrah for Upper Sixth before exam season starts. Ben knows that it's not really Rey's thing, but Poe is the closest thing she has to a friend and he hopes that might mean that she'll make an exception.

**FORGOT TO ASK-ARE YOU GOING TO POE'S PARTY?**

_WASN'T PLANNING TO._

**WHY NOT?** ****

_BUSY. MY REVISION SCHEDULE STARTED ON MONDAY. PARTIES AREN'T ON THE TO-DO LIST._

**AM I ON YOUR TO-DO LIST?** ****

He cringes at himself for such an embarrassing attempt at flirtation and tries putting his phone onto Airplane mode to stop it from sending, but it's too late, she's already seen it. It seems to take an age for her to reply but, when she does, it makes him laugh out loud.

_I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE OBVIOUS AFTER THIS AFTERNOON._

**PLEASE COME.**

_I'LL THINK ABOUT IT XX_

For now, he's satisfied with that answer, and, for a moment, it almost seems possible to keep both versions of his life and more fluidly between them as though stepping through a door into another room. With a little careful planning, he can live two entirely separate existence without having to choose between them. The problem is though, when he looks at Rey, he feels an overwhelming force pulling him to her Iike gravity.

Although he tells himself he's not in love with her, he’s really beginning to doubt how true that might be

**_  
-xxx-  
  
_ **

“What's it like inside his house?"  


Rey looks up from her physics notes. She's having lunch with Poe as they always do on Fridays, though they have been spending a lot more time together in the run-up to exams. It's easier to revise with him than it is with Ben, mostly because they’re studying similar subjects, and she's also far less likely to end up naked and with his head between her thighs whilst she tries to go over her notes on the Archimedes' principle.

“Whose house?"

"Ben Solo's."

Rey carries on eating her lunch and tries not to make any facial expressions that might give her away. “I don't know," she says with a slight shrug of her shoulders. “It's big, obviously. I only really stick to the garage or go into the kitchen for a cup of tea when I've finished work." 

It's a lie, obviously, because she's also very intimately acquainted with Ben's bedroom, and could describe in detail the posters on his wall or pinpoint the exact position of the cracks in the ceiling. She could also tell him that not everything is as perfect as it seems behind the well-manicured exterior. She never would though, because that's something that Ben had told her in confidence and she would never betray that trust.

"What's he like in his natural habitat?"

Rey wipes her mouth with the back of her hand which feels greasy. There's too much salt on her chips and she has a banging headache; the kind she gets when there's a storm brewing. "We don't really talk much," she replies. "Maybe about school, but that's about it."

She's not sure whether or not he believes her, but Poe seems satisfied for the time being. "So, are you coming to my party tomorrow or not?"

Rey sighs "I'm busy, Poe."

He leans back in his chair and folds his arms across his chest. "Doing what, exactly?"

"I've got an extra shift at the garage and then an English mock to revise for."

Poe rolls his eyes. "Have a night off. Just one… You're eighteen, for Christ's sake. Relax and have fun."

Rey quickly glances in Ben's general direction. He's sitting on the window ledge, the copy of _Emma_ in his hands long since forgotten as he talks to a pretty blonde girl from his French class and Rey feels a sudden twinge of jealousy deep in her stomach. It's new and unexpected, but she immediately chastises herself for being so silly and turns her attention back to Poe.

"Fine," she says with a sigh. "I'll come."

**_-xxx-_ **

Rey hasn't really been to many parties though, when she does, she has a tendency to gravitate towards the kitchen. She'd arrived at Poe’s house fairly early, but already it was packed with people, groups having  spilled out into the garden; some casually talking amongst themselves whilst others drink corner shop vodka straight from the bottle and pass a joint between them. It's like every high school cliche she's ever seen in films all rolled into one, and she wouldn't be surprised she found someone having sex with someone they shouldn't be in one of the spare bedrooms.

Poe is ecstatic to see her (though Poe is ecstatic to see everyone, really) and he stays to talk to her, asking how her day was and making sure she's got a drink. She finds herself relaxing fairly quickly, laughing at something, and, for once, it’s nice to have a conversation with someone out in public like this instead of hiding away as she does with Ben. When he leaves her to greet some of the lower-Sixth girls who've just arrived, she feels that fluttering sensation in her abdomen, only it's not the same one that she had in the canteen yesterday when she saw Ben with that girl from his French class. It's more like the one she feels when he kisses her, or when he catches her eye across their English question when nobody else is looking. Hastily, Rey pours herself a shot of Sambuca and knocks it back in one go, telling herself that she feels this way because it's nice to get some attention. Poe is a good looking boy -a different sort of good looking to Ben-and their interests are similarly aligned, but what she has with Ben is so much deeper than that.

Or at least that's the thought that makes her feel better.

Perhaps even more surprisingly, she actually finds herself relieved when a gaggle of girls pours into the kitchen with a carrier bag filled with cans of pre-mixed pink gin and tonic as it provides a welcome distraction.

“The lads are late," one of them says, and Rey knows exactly the 'lads' to whom she is referring. The girls' name is Amy and, according to Ben, has been having an on-and-off relationship with Tom Mulligan, captain of the rugby team, since the tail end of Year Nine and Ben is friendly with them both.

“If they don't show up, I will murder Ben," another says. It's French girl - or Jenny, to give her her actual name- and the way she talks alludes to private conversations as if she's trying to impress her friends. "He promised me that they were coming."

"I think they were all going for pre-drinks somewhere," a third adds, and it takes Rey a minute or two to recognise her as the girl whom she’d stood next to at the rugby match. "They'll be absolutely wrecked by the time they get here."

Rey pulls her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and writes a message to Ben.

_MUCH SPECULATION AS TO YOUR WHEREABOUTS. ARE YOU PLANNING TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE ANY TIME SOON?_

His reply comes within thirty seconds.  


**JUST LEAVING. DAN THREW UP EVERYWHERE AND WE'VE HAD TO PUT HIM IN A TAXI. TOM'S PISSED THAT HIS SHOES ARE RUINED AND HAS TO CHANGE THEM, BUT HE'll GET OVER IT.**

**HOW'S THE SOCIALISING THING GOING?**  


_I'M THE MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL NOW. EVERYONE KNOWS MY NAME AND THEY WORSHIP ME LIKE SOME SORT OF A DEITY._

**I'LL BE SURE TO BRING AN OFFERING. JUST MAKE SURE YOU BLESS ME WITH GOOD FORTUNE IN RETURN.**

_ASK ME NICELY AND I’LL THINK ABOUT IT XX  
_

Smiling, Rey puts her phone back into her pocket and helps herself to another beer. Nothing would give her more of a thrill than to turn around to these girls who thought so little of her and to loudly declare that the boys were on their way.

The boys arrive some twenty minutes later and the girls immediately start teasing and scolding them for being so late. Rey stays firmly rooted to the spot, waiting for Ben to make eye contact with her.

"You look nice, Rey," Tom says, but it's difficult to know whether he's being sincere or simply mocking her.

Jenny starts giggling and whispers something in Ben's ear. He turns his face away slightly but doesn't laugh along, and Rey suddenly doesn't know whether she wants to scream or cry.

"Do you smoke, Rey?' the red-head asks. From listening in on their conversations, Rey has found out that her name is Beth and she studies a lot of art subjects.

"Yeah, sure. Why not," Rey replies. There’s something quite warm and genuine about Beth’s smile an, whilst the others had quickly swarmed around the rugby team, she had actually taken the time to say hello to Rey and ask her if she was having a good time. 

Beth grabs her by the hand and pulls her through the throng of people congregating in the living room and out into the garden. They find a spot by the window through which they can hear the thudding bass beat of a Kanye West song blasting through the speakers. 

“He hasn't stopped staring at you since we walked in," Beth says, lighting Rey's cigarette. "so if Jenny's arsey with you, that's why."

"Who?"

“Ben,” she replies. “I remember you from the rugby match and he was doing it then too. Everyone went to the pub afterwards and I think he was disappointed that you weren't there.” 

Rey takes a drag and shakes her head. "I work at his house a few nights after school," she tells her. "That's all."

"I wouldn't blame you if you fancied him though," Beth tells her. "He is quite fit, and he's nice... a lot nicer than the others. Did you know that he’s going to be an environmental lawyer one day?"

Ray raises her eyebrows, feigning surprise. "Wow,” she says. "That's impressive."

She wants to tell Beth that she's wrong and that Ben actually wants to be a human rights lawyer, but she likes her so much in this moment that she hasn't got the heart to make some kind of snarky comment.

Beth takes one last drag of her cigarette and stubs it out on the wall. "I need a wee. You coming?"

"Nah, I'm good here for a minute.”

“I don’t blame you, the music’s shit. I’ll get you another drink though.”

Unexpectedly, Beth kisses her forehead before running inside. Her breath smells like gin and cigarettes, and the absurdity of it makes Rey laugh out loud.

"Something funny, Smith?" Tom's voice calls out to her.

“Your mate's pissed,” she says. "Might want to get the girls to keep an eye on her."

Tom shrugs. "That's just Beth," he says. "She'll be fine."

Rey furrows her brow. "Why are you talking to me, Tom?"

"Just being friendly!" he replies, moving to stand in front of her. She can smell lager on his breath and the pungent smell of marijuana which, unlike Beth, knocks her sick. "I hear you spend a lot of time at our Benny's house."

Rey nods “I do some work for his Dad.” 

Tom leans against the wall next to her. “Hmmm… So, what do you charge an hour?” 

“Depends on what needs doing. Some things are a bit more involved than others.” 

“I bet they are,” he says, swallowing a mouthful of beer. “Well, I haven’t got much cash on me, but what do you say to fifty? I can do a bank transfer if that’s not enough though.”

“Fifty for what?” 

Tom puts his bottle on the windowsill and turns to face Rey, placing one hand flat against the wall above her shoulder and the other on her hip. He’s much bigger than her, but not in the same comforting way that Ben is. He’s stronger, more powerful, and more than just a little intimidating.“Whatever it is my money gets me.” 

It suddenly dawns on Rey what it is that he’s insinuating. “I fix cars, Tom. Classic cars,” she says angrily. “And even if that weren’t how I make my money, I wonder what your girlfriend would think about you offering to pay for sex.” 

Tom scoffs. “Like she’d believe you.” 

Enraged, Rey shoves him hard in the torso. “Let me go, you fucking pig.”

As she turns to leave, she catches her boot on a raised paving flag and crashes to the ground, holding her arms out to break her fall. When she hits the floor, she lands on a shard of broken glass and feels a searing pain in the palm of her left hand, quickly followed by the warm trickling of blood down her wrist. She doesn’t know where he’s come from, nor how long he’s been there, but Ben is by her side in an instant and helps her to her feet.

“Are you alright?” 

Rey nods. “I think so,” she says, her voice trembling with shock. “Probably just had too much to drink.” 

“Aww,” comes Jenny’s voice from behind them. “Do you want him to kiss it better?” 

“Jennifer,” Ben says firmly. “Will you please just fuck off?” 

Rey raises her eyebrows at this, having never heard Ben speak to anyone that way, but it seems to work as Jenny tosses her hair over her shoulder and goes back into the house, no doubt to tell her friends the hilarious story of how Rey just embarrassed herself in front of everyone again. Tom follows, but not without a somewhat predatory wink in Rey’s direction which makes her feel nauseous. 

“Do you want to go home?” he asks quietly. “I’m driving.” 

“Yes please.” 

**_-xxx-_ ** ****

  
Ben’s car is parked a couple of streets away, and Rey welcomes a short walk in the fresh air. 

“Sorry for making such a fuss,” she apologises as she gets into the passenger seat and fastens her seatbelt. “And you really didn’t have to leave early because of me.” 

“You’re not making a fuss,” he replies. “And, to be honest, you’ve actually done me a favour because I was looking for an excuse to leave as soon as I got here. The lads were acting like proper arseholes tonight.” 

“They always act like arseholes.” 

“True, but tonight more than usual.” 

Rey tries to force a smile but suddenly bursts into tears which catches Ben completely off guard. She tells him then about what Tom had said to her and how, for a few short moments, she’d actually been afraid of him. Ben grips the steering wheel tighter and clenches his jaw, angry that someone whom he has long considered a friend had crossed a line. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“What are **you** apologising for?” she sniffs. “You’re not the one who assumed that I’m a prostitute… I mean, I always knew people made up stupid rumours about me, but I never knew they’d stoop so low as to think that I whore myself out to pay my rent. Not that there’s anything wrong with sex work, but you get my point.” 

She’s rambling now and Ben reaches out to take hold of her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “Do you want to come back to mine for a bit?” 

“Isn’t your Dad home this weekend?” 

“Yes.” 

“So what if he and your mum are still up?”

Ben shrugs. “They won’t mind.” 

“I know you said that things aren’t perfect, but I think your parents actually did a really good job raising you.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

“Because you’re a good person… the best person I know, actually.”

He replies with a gentle smile and they drive the next few miles in complete silence. Rey leans her head against the cool glass of the window and watches the lights of their little town pass by in a blur, suddenly feeling more determined than ever to leave it all behind and start all over again. 

**_-xxx-_ ** ****

The lights are all off when they arrive at Ben’s house and he notices that his mother’s car isn’t on the drive. With the place to themselves, he takes her into the kitchen where he cleans and dresses her hand before making her promise to let him take her to the hospital in the morning to get it looked at properly. As Rey washes her face and changes into a pair of his boxer shorts and one of his old rugby jerseys, Ben makes up a plate of toast and takes it upstairs where they lie in bed, catching up on the latest episode of some trashy reality television show they’d started watching ironically but now both secretly enjoy. 

“You know that I’d never hurt you, right?” he asks, seemingly out of nowhere. “You make me so happy and… I love you.” 

Rey smiles back at him. “I know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To give a little bit of context, I'm British and so that has heavily influenced the creation of this universe. The slang, the education and legal systems together with our pop culture all play a part. 
> 
> On that note, I've binge-watched all of Sex Education recently so Maeve was definitely a big inspiration when writing this version of Rey.


End file.
